The Blog About Nothing
Legendary sitcom Seinfeld in its pilot episode described itself as “a show about nothing.”
This is the time of year when there’s pretty much nothing to write about Angels minor league baseball. Nothing’s going on, at least that we the people can see.
Behind the scenes, of course, plenty is going on. Some minor leaguers are being released. Decisions are being made about which managers, coaches and roving instructors will return in 2010. A few American players will be sent to the Dominican academy, and others will find jobs somewhere in winter ball.
But it’s all fairly mundane stuff, not really anything you blog about.
Some fan blogs drone on and on about the most trivial of matters, seemingly under pressure to produce content to keep their readers entertained. I’d rather post when I have something to say, or at least when something needs to be said.
Major League Baseball also has the tradition that you don’t do anything newsworthy until the World Series is over, which also leaves us less to write about.
So I found myself having a very Seinfeld-like debate with myself this morning about what to write …
Me: You really should write a blog. You haven’t written one in a while.
Me2: That’s because there’s nothing to say.
Me: People expect you to write for them.
Me2: So what? They’re not paying for it.
Me: That’s a cynical attitude.
Me2: It’s my life. Besides, blogs should be about quality, not quantity.
Me: Don’t you want to be popular?
Me2: Oh, puh-leeze, we’ve heard that one before.
Me: Some of those other fan blogs claim you’re not popular.
Me2: Some of those other fan blogs claim Mike Scioscia is the dumbest manager in the history of the sport.
Me: Yeah, but they find something to write about.
Me2: What, you want me to rag on and on about the Yankees?
Me: A popular topic. Guaranteed to attract attention.
Me2: Especially from the Yankee frontrunners.
Me: Yep. Hit count gold.
Me2: But what does it have to do with Angels minor league baseball?
Me: Hmmm … Well, how’s about a blog about the decisions the Angels have to make this winter?
Me2: EVERYONE is writing about that. It’s hardly a unique story idea.
Me: It would be your opinion.
Me2: Opinions are like anal orifices. Everyone has one. And they all pretty much spew the same thing.
Me: That was crass.
Me2: You wanted hit count.
Me: How’s about you attack the mainstream media?
Me2: Whatever for?
Me: Oldest trick in the book. Attack someone more successful and credible than you. Makes people think you’re edgy and controversial.
Me2: Which results in more hits.
Me2: Doesn’t mean you know what you’re talking about, though.
Me: Well, how’s about you make up an interview?
Me: Yeah, make up an interview with a recognizable name. No one will know the difference.
Me2: (icily) I WOULD.
Me: You’ll impress people.
Me2: Until I get caught. Then people will think I’m a loser.
Me: You won’t get caught. Remember what P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born …”
Me2: (interrupts) P.T. Barnum didn’t say it.
Me: He didn’t?!
Me: Who did?
Me3: There you go, trying to educate people again by getting them to click on a link.
Me and Me2: Who are you?!
Me3: Your inner self. Your guilty conscience. The part of you always questioning yourself. Your Jiminy Cricket, if you will.
Me: You really are a pest, you know.
Me3: I keep you humble.
Me: Bite me.
Me2: Me too.
Me3: Attack me if you will, but the fact remains that you need a topic for your blog. You went off-topic.
Me: (sighs) Fine …
Me2: Okay, conscience, do you have any bright ideas?
Me3: Hmmm … Well, what are the other fan blogs writing about?
Me2: Who cares?! We don’t copy the other blogs. We write about what’s important to us.
Me: But copying the others would get you more hit count.
Me3: Which is important.
Me2: Shut up. Who asked you.
Me3: You did.
Me2: I asked for a “bright” idea.
Me: You didn’t like any of mine.
Me2: Shut up.
Me3: Testy today, aren’t we?
Me: Sure is.
Me2: Look, I need a blog topic idea. If we don’t come up with a topic, we’ve got nothing.
Me: That’s it!
Me2: You’ve lost me.
Me: It worked for Seinfeld. It was the most successful sitcom in TV history.
Me2: But the show was about nothing.
Me2: Seems intellectually lazy to copy someone else’s formula.
Me3: And yet you seem to have no problem with using your internal monologue as an excuse for a blog.
Me2: Stop nagging.
Me: If you write a blog about nothing, then you’re done.
Me3: He has a point.
Me2: Well, I do have a lot of other things to do …
Me3: Then we’re agreed.
Me: Works for me.